The Boat Name Game

The Boat Name Game

A BRUTALLY HUMOROUS LOOK AT WHAT YOUR BOAT NAME SAYS ABOUT YOU

Boat Names N-Q

 

Nauti Nymph

You still have those acid-washed denim jeans, eh?

 

             Or have you traded up to a wee Spandex bathing suit that you wear on the forward sundeck of your muscle machine?

 

             Either way, it’s time to get rid of those old Whitesnake records.

                         

 

 

Nimrod

You’re misunderstood.

 

You named your boat for one of the ships that Sir Ernest Shackleton took with him on his British Antarctic Expedition in 1907-09.

 

Or, you named your boat after the 1997 Green Day album featuring the acoustic hit Good Riddance (Time of Your Life).

 

Either way, the references are too obscure. Other boaters in your marina don’t get your wit. They think you’re a nimrod yourself.

 

             And they might be right.

                         

            

 

No Name

Oh come on, lazy brains. Give us something to work with!

 

 

 

Northern Light

You think you’re guiding the world.

 

Let’s just hope that skippers practicing their celestial navigation skills don’t follow your white mast light straight into the dock.

                         

 

 

Nurses Lounge

This name was submitted by a reader who tells us that both

 he and his wife are nurses.

 

We personally wouldn’t announce it to the world if we were a male nurse, but then again, we probably don’t have as good a boat.

 

 

Octopus

You’re a computer geek.

 

You named your boat after the 414-foot motoryacht owned by Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen, who also owns the 198-foot yacht Meduse and the 301-foot yacht Tatoosh.

 

             We think that’s enough. Let’s all stop buying Windows software now.

                         

 

 

Ohana

You claim to be a family man, but you love slow-motion babes in bikinis.

 

Your boat’s name is Hawaiian for “family,” a fact you learned while listening to David Hasselhoff’s monologues on the popular cast-reunion movie Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding.

 

             We know. It was the dialogue that made you tune in.

 

                         

 

Oregon

You need to shift into a higher gear.

 

You named your boat after an American battleship ordered to help blockade Havana, Cuba, during the Spanish-American War in 1898. It had to take the long course around South America’s Cape Horn to get there from the shipyard in California, thus prompting President Theodore Roosevelt to call for creation of the Panama Canal.

 

             He went on to be ranked as one of the greatest U.S. presidents.

 

             And all because the Oregon was a slowpoke.

                         

 

 

Original Contract

A reader submitted this name, which he spotted on a small inflatable—that was parked next to a 45-foot express yacht called Change Order.

 

Hey, at least the owner is honest...

 

 

Our Lattitude

We like your attitude, no matter your latitude.

 

 

Overdraught

Your boat is on a reef somewhere in Western Europe.

 

We like the double-meaning of the boat being expensive

as well as too deep for its local waters,

but dear British friend, neither

of those are a good thing...

 

 

Passing Wind

This submission came from a reader who is also a sailor.

 

And you call powerboats stinkpots!

 

 

Phatash

We couldn’t figure out this boat name submission, so we asked the reader for more information. He said his boat had a wide beam and was made of ash, and that he thought she was pretty “phat.”

 

Sounds like a rich white guy trying to be a wee bit gangsta.

 

We’re calling Snoop Dogg for a second opinion.

 

 

Pinafore

You love Gilbert & Sullivan, and you feel a sense of duty to your nation.

 

Shame you didn’t know that the Brits use this word to mean “dress.”

 

You’re such a girly man.

                         

 

 

Prime Rate

You’re a snake.

 

We know you charged your clients more than that if you have your own boat.

 

                         

 

Privacy

You’ll never have any.

 

You named your boat after the motoryacht owned by professional golfer Tiger Woods. He wanted his boat’s name to be kept secret, so he sent scary, unfair subpoenas to marine journalists far and wide.

 

             Too bad some of us go on to create popular websites.

 

            

 

Pro-Sack

You’re a retired NFL quarterback who is too fat and tired to do anything but lay around, sacked out, on your own personal yacht.

 

Yeah, we’re jealous.

 

But your glory days are over, pal!

 

 

Queen Mary 2

You have delusions of grandeur.

 

You named your boat after a cruise ship that, when launched in 2003, was the world’s longest, widest and tallest.

 

That Queen Mary 2 carries fifteen restaurants, five swimming pools and a gigantic planetarium onboard.

 

What’ve you got? A pair of water skis?

                         

 

 

Quid Pro Quo

You’re willing to give up an awful lot.

 

What’d you have to trade to get a whole boat in exchange?