The Boat Name Game

The Boat Name Game

A BRUTALLY HUMOROUS LOOK AT WHAT YOUR BOAT NAME SAYS ABOUT YOU

Boat Names F-J

 

 

Fahrfrumwerken

You’re quite clever. And unique.

 

This name is even fun to try to spell.

 

             We only wonder if emergency personnel will feel the same way if ever you get into trouble.

 

             “Mayday, mayday, this is the Fahrfrumwerken…”

 

             “This is the Coast Guard, boat in distress. You’re a what?!?”

                         

 

 

Fantasea

You’re overdue for a dose of reality.

 

You believe boating will be a fantastic experience, an activity filled with wonder, adventure and excitement. The romance of the sport led you

to buy your boat, and you can’t wait to sail off into the sunset.

 

             Unfortunately, you don’t know how to work the sails, read a chart, or plot a waypoint to your next port of call.

                         

 

 

Fin-Alley

So this is your last boat, the big one you saved up for all these years to get you out to the canyons in first-class fishing style.

 

We’re not buying that. We’ll bet you’re already shopping for your next ride!

 

 

Fish Tales

You talk way too much.

 

             We know you once caught a marlin thiiiiis biiiiiig…

 

             Of course we want to hear about it. Then we could look at your family’s old vacation slides. And maybe stick sharp objects into our eyeballs.

                         

 

Floridian

You have an eye for big-money opportunities.

 

You named your boat after the 228-foot motoryacht originally built by PGA Tour golfer Greg Norman (who called it Aussie Rules) and later sold for a reported $77 million to Blockbuster Video magnate Wayne Huizenga.

 

             Quite a price for a fixer-upper. After all, Huizenga had to have the helideck stretched because his personal chopper was so big.

 

             Then again, Huizenga’s now getting $400,000 a week from people who want to charter Floridian...

                         

 

 

Freedom

             You don’t know the meaning of the word..

 

             How much were those monthly boat payments again?

                         

 

 

FYJIMO

A reader submitted this name, which he says was

the boat owner’s response to his wife, Jane,

who threatened to move out if he bought another boat.

 

The last three letters stand for “I moved out.”

 

We’ll let you figure out the first three on your own.

 

 

Gangreene

This reader, whose last name is Greene, tells us that his wife made him get a boat so that he could take their grandchildren fishing.

 

That’s our kind of woman!

 

 

Genie of the Lamp

             You think you have all-mighty powers.

 

So, if we come onboard, do we get three wishes?

 

             Number One: We wish you’d give us your boat.

                         

 

Go For It

For what?

 

You’ve already got the boat, dingleberry…

 

 

Grand Cru

You’re witty, you appreciate good deckhands, and you know your vino.

 

             What time can we stop by your slip?

            

 

Great Western

You’re part of the evil cruise ship empire.

 

You named your boat after the first steamship to regularly cross the Atlantic Ocean, thus paving the way for the existence of passenger ferries and, eventually, the modern-day cruise ship industry.

 

Thanks for all those buffets. Like we really need steak tartare on the lido deck off the coast of Jamaica at 2 a.m. on a Wednesday.

            

 

Hakuna Matata

Your problem-free philosophy is that by naming your boat after this Disney tune, you’ll have no worries for the rest of your days.

 

             Do you also think that just because you can hum When You Wish Upon a Star, you know celestial navigation?

 

             Take it from me

You might as well be

Under the sea.

 

                         

 

Heart Throb

As long as that’s all that’s throbbing onboard, we like it.

 

 

Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile

So. You have a go-fast boat. And probably a thick chest of hair

twinkling in the sunlight amid your gold chains.

 

How did we ever guess?

 

 

 

Heavy Dozin’

This submission came from a reader who owns a bulldozer business.

 

We know that boats are more relaxing than digging up asphalt.

 

All we ask is that you stay awake behind the wheel.

 

 

 

High on the Hog

You must’ve been high on something when you came up with that name.

                         

 

 

Insta-Gator

Way to be a rabble-rouser, even if your boat really

can’t turn into a reptile on command.

 

 

Invincible

You’re more vulnerable than you think you are.

 

             After all, three of the four historic ships to carry this name sank.

 

             But we wish you the best of luck out there.

                         

 

 

Island Time

Boating is your respite, your way of getting off the workaday treadmill of life.

 

You wish you could exist on the same lackadaisical schedule that Bahamian and Caribbean locals call their own, and a little piece of you believes that someday, you’ll actually leave everything behind and join them.

 

             You’re probably deluding yourself.

 

             But it’s a pretty picture.

                         

 

 

It’s All Good

Yes it is, since you have a boat.

 

 

Janice of Wyoming

You ain’t no poet.

 

You named your boat after a gorgeous 130-foot sailing yacht built by the Alloy yard. That boat’s name was a play on words following the launch of another Alloy the same size, called Victoria of Strathearn.

 

             Nice try with Janice of Wyoming. 

 

             Maybe your next boat can be Shaniqua of New Jersey.

                         

 

 

Job 1:20

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.

 

We assume you’re talking about affordable boat slips?

 

Amen, brother!

 

 

Just Deserts

Either you didn’t proofread your transom, or you like cruising in the Sahara

            

We’re pretty sure you’re a schmuck either way.