The Boat Name Game

The Boat Name Game

A BRUTALLY HUMOROUS LOOK AT WHAT YOUR BOAT NAME SAYS ABOUT YOU

Boat Names R-T

 

 

Rational Exuberance

Dude, you’re a boat owner.

 

Ain’t nuthin’ rational about your exuberance.

 

 

Rattler

You’re not as smart as you look.

 

You named your boat after a Royal Navy frigate fitted with a propeller in 1845 and raced against a similar frigate fitted with paddle wheels. The propeller boat’s performance served as proof that boats with props are faster and more powerful than boats with paddle wheels.

 

             Funny how the Brits needed two whole boats to prove that theory.

                         

 

 

Reel Attitude

You like to troll for big game, and you think you’re quite cool because of it.

 

             How sad for you that so many other people choose the same boat name, making you just one more fish in the sea.

 

                         

 

Reel Class

Um, not so much, in your case.

                         

 

 

Rising Sun

You get a bit carried away.

 

You named your boat after one owned by Larry Ellison, founder of Oracle software company. He spent close to $200 million building what was, at the time, the world’s largest private motoryacht, a whopping 454 feet long.

 

             Less than a year later, he told Forbes that he thought he made a mistake, that the boat might be too big.

 

Gee, ya think?

                         

 

            

Rock Oh

Either you’re a gold chain-wearing guy from the Bronx, or you have a tendency to shout out your boat’s name before crashing into jetties.

 

             Neither is a good sign for the rest of us out on the water.

                         

 

 

Rudder Chaos

You drive like a lunatic.

 

If only boat names were written on the bow instead of the stern, so we could see you coming…

 

 

 

Scrumpy Vixen

You rock.

 

And everyone wants to rock with you.

                         

 

 

Sea Monkey

You don’t know your own evilness.

 

You named your boat after a species of brine shrimp that every kid growing up in the 1970s simply had to have. Just add water, and they hatch!

 

             Maybe your next boat can be Cryptobiosis, after the forced state of suspended animation that makes this marketing of living creatures possible.

                         

 

 

Seas the Day

You fancy yourself as being on par with the great orator Julius Caesar.

 

             But you can’t figure out how to spell carpe diem.

                         

 

 

Serendipity

You feel you’ve been lucky in life, that your happy accidents have led you to boating—a world you never imagined you could afford.

 

             Sadly, while your lack of imagination hasn’t hurt you financially, it has led you to select the most frequently chosen boat name in the world.

 

Try to be more original next time.

                         

 

 

Shake, Rattle and Roll

One word, friend: Stabilizers.

 

 

She Got the House

You are thrilled to announce to the world that your lawyer sucked.

 

                         

 

She Likes It Rough

You know nothing about women.

 

Maybe she likes it rough, and maybe she doesn’t.

 

Either way, stud, it’s not you that she’s riding.

                         

 

 

Shut Up and Drive

Does this mean you don’t want us to hail you on the VHF,

even if we see something wrong?

 

Enjoy that oncoming collision, pal.

 

 

Sin or Swim

If you’re onboard, you’re in the buff.

 

             Working the lines must lead to some really “ugly naked” scenes.

                         

 

 

Straight to Voicemail

You’re out on the water, unreachable to the world.

 

We want to be there with you. What’s your number?

 

 

Summer Fun … and Some Are Not

If you have a boat, and your summers aren’t fun, then there’s something seriously wrong with you.

 

 

Summer Wind

You’re no Sinatra.

 

Start spreading the news: Everybody thinks of this boat name.

 

             Your backup idea was probably My Way.

 

You need to work on your act.

                         

 

Sweet Thing II

So Sweet Thing I turned out to be a sour relationship, eh?

 

 

Terror

You’re either screwed or scary.

 

You named your boat after a Royal Navy ship launched in 1813 to explore the Antarctic seas, only to be abandoned in the ice 35 years later.

 

             Or you’re just a sicko who likes to frighten people.

 

             If you are the scary type, then we hope you’re also screwed…

                         

 

 

Thank God It’s Monday

You’re a golf pro, and you have Mondays off to go boating.

 

Or you’re so hung over from Friday and Saturday nights that you’re just happy to be conscious enough to steer come Monday morning.

 

Or maybe both, if you’re like any of the golf pros we know...

 

 

 

Thunder Gulch

You appreciate the value of a good stud.

 

You named your boat after a 164-foot motoryacht that was named for the championship racehorce who won the 1995 Kentucky Derby despite 25-to-1 odds. That boat’s owner also has another 164-foot motoryacht called High Chaparral that he named for his Breeders’ Cup Turf winner.

 

             We hear the two yachts combined are worth about as much as a cup of semen from each horse.

 

             Hey, boating’s expensive. Take it where you can get it.

                         

 

Titanic

You’re an idiot.

                         

 

Tooth Fairy

You believe in magic.

 

You named your boat after a 147-foot motoryacht whose owner bought it with the profits from a land deal he made after being told, “If you think that deal will go through, then you must believe in the tooth fairy.”

 

             All these years, we’ve wasted our time believing in Santa Claus.

 

             Lot of good those Christmas packages full of new underwear are doing us out on the water.

                                                   

 

 

Tunacious

You have an odd attraction to the Chicken of the Sea, as in: “That new cologne of yours is certainly tunacious.”

 

Smells fishy to us.