The Boat Name Game

The Boat Name Game

A BRUTALLY HUMOROUS LOOK AT WHAT YOUR BOAT NAME SAYS ABOUT YOU

Boat Names A-B

 

 

Absolut-ly

You’re a vodka fan, but you may not want our

bottle of Grey Goose onboard.

That would make you quite the turkey.

                         

 

Agamemnon

You’re a history buff with an ego that’s probably

a heck of a lot bigger than your boat.

 

You named your yacht after the British Naval ship that once had none other than Vice-Admiral Horatio Nelson as captain. The ship later fought in the Battle of Trafalgar, the epic Napoleonic War clash off the coast of Spain where Nelson lost his life.

 

             If you can compete with that, we’re guessing you’re cruising in the wrong parts of town.

 

 

Alysia

You either have money to burn, or you want people to think that you do.

            

You named your boat after the most expensive charter motoryacht in the world, taking 36 guests at a whopping weekly rate of $840,000. That’s about $23,000 per person for the week, or $3,300 a person per day, or $140 a person per hour. Even when everybody’s just sleeping.

            

We know that having an indoor spa with hot tub is cool, but still, at those prices, it feels like we’re taking a bath.

 

 

 

Anhinga

Your knowledge of nature is good, and your feeling of a common bond

 to the sea’s living creatures is impressive.

 

You know that an anhinga is water bird that’s great at diving

and chasing fish underwater.

 

             But we’re guessing you didn’t know that the literal translation

of the bird’s name is “water turkey.”

 

Sorry, dude.

                         

                         

 

Another Boat

This reader’s wife is always complaining that he “bought another boat,” so he started keeping track with chalkboard-style marks on his transom:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We love it!

 

 

 

Aquaholics

Hey, at least you’re honest.

 

But you probably drink and drive.

 

                         

 

Aquasition

You’re a lawyer or a property broker, somebody who thrives on making the other guy squeal in a killer Donald Trump-type deal.

 

             Announcing to the world that you have acquired a boat is your primary concern. You may never even fire up the engines.

 You just like to say that you own them.

 

Jerk.

                         

 

 

Argo

You fancy yourself quite the explorer.

 

You named your boat after the ship that Jason and the Argonauts sailed from Greece in search of the Golden Fleece. Their Argo had a crew of 43, including guys named Ascalaphus, Philoctetes and Zetes.

 

             Kind of makes your cousin Bubba wish he had a partner to help him tie off the lines, no?

                         

 

Arms Reach

You want people to leave you the hell alone.

 

 The name of your boat makes us wonder if you paid for it by making midnight runs to Nicaragua for the Central Intelligence Agency.

            

But we’re not asking questions, what with your tender being called Side Arm.

                         

 

Asylum

Unlike people who name their boat Sanctuary, you are, indeed, seeking a sense of peace out on the water. 

 

But you know in your heart that a clogged onboard toilet is bound to drive you crazy eventually.

 

             You’re a realist, which is good.

 

             Just remember to stay on your meds.

                         

 

 

Atlantic Dawn

You and your fishing buddies think you’re as cool as the commercial trawlers that see the sun rise over the horizon regularly, while earning a hard living on the high seas.

 

             In reality, you’re a recreational fisherman who gets up early once in a while, but who usually prefers to sleep late thanks to the after-effects of a night’s recreational drinking.

 

             Either way, we want a stool next to you at the nearest bar.

                         

            

Balls Deep

You like to go all out, and you want the world to know it.

 

Probably could be a bit classier about the announcement, no?

 

 

BarkingHamm Palace

This submission is from the Hamm family, who like to go out

cruising with their three Westhighland Terriers.

 

Hey, as long as they’re trained to do their

business outside the palace gates...

 

 

Beagle

You fancy yourself quite the natural selection.     

 

You named your boat after the one that carried Charles Darwin for five years in the 1830s, allowing him to see impressive giant tortoises and unique swimming iguanas in places like the Galapagos Islands as he circumnavigated the earth and honed his theory of evolution.

 

             What’d you do on your last trip? Sing Jimmy Buffet songs for a few hours before taking a nap?

 

How evolved can you really be?

 

 

 

Big Deal

A good night in Vegas got  you a boat, eh?

 

 

Big $plender

You seem to be trying to pull off a cross between

“spender” and “splendor,” with the dollar sign thrown in

to let folks know that your boat cost a pretty penny. 

 

Does that mean you skimped on the tender’s price and quality,

 since she’s called Lil’ Splender?

 

            

 

Bite Me

You may catch a lot of fish, but you’ll never reel in a classy woman.

            

And you probably don’t care.

                         

 

 

Blarney

You talk a good game. And you’re probably Irish, which means there might be Guinness onboard.

            

Our thirsty eyes are smiling.

                         

 

 

Bounty

You’re either a bastard or a psycho.        

 

It’s interesting that you named your boat after a 91-foot-long ship that hosted the world’s most famous mutiny in 1789. Which skipper is it that you hope to be most like? William Bligh, the tyrannical captain who was set adrift without supplies in the South Pacific? Or Christian Fletcher, the chief mutineer who was later murdered by the Tahitians he terrorized?

 

             Either way, not many of your friends will want to go boating with you.

            

 

 

Breaking the Banks

Let’s hope not.

 

A lot of us like to go fishing out there...