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The Boat Name Game |
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The Boat Name Game |
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A BRUTALLY HUMOROUS LOOK AT WHAT YOUR BOAT NAME SAYS ABOUT YOU |
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Boat Names K-M
Knot Tide You have a clever way of letting us know that you’re single and looking.
And hey, you have a boat.
My, you just got handsome…
Knot Too Late We agree, it’s never too late to go boating!
Kokomo You harbor visions of paradise.
You named your boat after the Beach Boys song, anticipating that you’d sail to Aruba, Jamaica (ooh I wanna take you to) Bermuda, Bahama (come on pretty mama) Key Largo and Montego.
You got about as far with that dream as the Boys did with theirs after Brian Wilson left the band.
Kon-Tiki You think you know what it takes to survive at sea.
You named your boat after the 45-foot-long balsa-wood raft that six men drifted atop for 3,800 miles across Polynesia in 1947.
Hey, it already has its own museum in Norway. When you get yours, we’ll believe in your skills, too.
Kydaka A reader submitted this name, telling us that it’s from an old Indian word that means “where the sun shines first.”
We suppose that’s better than “where the sun don’t shine.”
Last Penny You blew your kid’s college fund to buy the boat of your dreams.
You’re no parent of the year, but you’re truthful about your priorities.
Lenin You might be a war-mongering Commie Pinko.
You named your boat after a 16,000-ton nuclear-powered ice-breaker that can move at 3 or 4 knots through ice frozen 8 feet thick.
Or, you really have a thing for the former Russian leader.
Either way, we’re not messing with you.
Let Go of My Ears, I Know What I’m Doing Interesting choice for a racing sailboat owned by a woman.
We’re guessing you know a thing or two about a broad reach, as well.
Limitless You have grand visions.
You named your boat after a 315-foot luxury motoryacht owned by Les Wexner, who runs the parent company of Victoria’s Secret.
Hey, nobody believed him, either, when he said housewives would buy millions of purple lace thongs…
Liquid Asset You’re a businessman who made a killing that left your pockets fat.
You want other boaters to know you own your boat outright, and you still have plenty of cash for upgraded features nobody else can afford.
Brokers pounce on you like vultures, and you deserve it.
Braggart.
Lively Lady You think you’re quite the player.
You named your boat after the sailboat that one man sailed single-handed around the world in 1967-68, bashing through oceans and surviving on rations.
You sail on Saturdays with your wife and kids.
To your favorite waterfront burger joint.
(Where you drink diet orange soda.)
It’s time to rethink your self-image.
Long and Large Boy, you really feel the need to overcompensate.
Lucky Sperm You were born rich and don’t care who knows it.
You have all the best helm electronics, which you use while sitting in your leather captain’s chair. You really do enjoy boating, even though you go skiing in the Alps just as often as you do on the water.
Other boaters resent you, but that’s just because they’re jealous.
Major Expen$e You can’t afford your chosen lifestyle.
You own a 30-foot sailboat and would rather roast under the hot sun in a dead calm sea than turn on the auxiliary engine, for fear of spending a single hard-earned nickel on fuel.
Perhaps gardening would be a better hobby for you than boating.
You’d at least get free food at the end of the season.
Mak’n Waves We assume that you mean down in the cabin, you sexy beast you.
Hopefully, you’re not cruising at top speed on autopilot at the same time…
Margaritavich You’re a parrothead.
You named your boat after Jimmy Buffett’s, joining the legions of boaters who also worship him.
And rightfully so. !
Mayflower You have the potential to alter world history.
You named your boat after the ship that, in 1620, carried the Pilgrims from Plymouth, England, to what would later be known as Plymouth, Massachusetts—thus beginning the Western settlement of the New World and the eventual creation of the United States of America.
Who knew a couple dozen zealots on a boat could have such an impact on the future of the human race?
Maybe you and your buddies do belong out there on the ocean…
Minnow You never go out for more than a three-hour tour.
That’s enough for us, as long as it includes Ginger and Mary Ann.
Miss (Insert Mother’s Name Here) You adored your mom, you miss her now that she’s gone, and you funnel all your love for her into making your boat as great as it can be.
Some of the guys out on the water think you’re a sissy.
Their mothers were probably bitches.
Miss (Insert Wife’s Name Here) Your wife hates boating, hates that you bought a boat, and sometimes because of all the time you spend on the boat, even hates you.
You tried to appease her by naming the boat after her and then lavishing money and praise on it that otherwise could be used to redecorate your home kitchen or buy fancy jewelry as anniversary gifts.
Good try.
Hope your marriage survives it.
Mom’s Mink Nice cash-out.
Did you at least let her live in the house until her final days?
Monkey Business You lack media savvy.
You named your boat after the 83-foot motoryacht on which presidential hopeful Gary Hart had an affair with Donna Rice.
(Insert your own joke here.)
My Kryptonite This submission came in from a reader whose last name is “Super.”
We get the idea, that the boat makes you weak.
Just remember that the green stuff almost killed Superman a few times now...
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